Latent Love!!

I got up very early today, to the sound of raindrops tapping my window. The sight was beautiful, thanks to my mom, who loves having lot of plants and trees in our garden. The smell of mud, chirping birds and the aroma of the hot coffee just marked the wonderful beginning of my day.

I saw the clouds with silver lining and was tempted to take a picture but then decided against it. It was like any kind of motion would have upset the stillness of this beautiful scenery.

There are times when I crave for my own company. Lately I have been so busy and given the nature of my work, I hardly spend time alone. There are always numerous phone calls to make, meetings to attend, work to be done.

So I thought of listing down the things I love/plan to do :)

1. Walking through the woods in silence, only the sound of dry leaves crackling below my feet.
2. Clicking pictures
3. Singing romantic songs
4. The smell of rain, raindrops falling on my face
5. A mug of hot coffee with a romantic novel by fire on a chilly December night
6. Beer hug from friends
7. Opening a library for all book lovers
8. Getting up early, listening to birds
9. Stargazing at night
10. A long drive on a solitary road with windows open
11. Laughing uncontrollably on silly pjs
12. Writing silly poetry
13. Day and night dreaming
14. Meeting new people, making friends
15. Fruitful shopping- When for a change I get all clothes of my size :)
16. I love colors, I can’t imagine the world in black and white
17. Fancied myself as a painter, still do :)
18. Holding hands, anticipating 1000’s of things in that single moment
19. Imagining things/stories- I can be the next Broadway queen
20. Living in a small house with a white picket fence and lots of roses, lilies, daisies around and a lake nearby.

Smiling too readily, blushing deeply, people say I am in love
my feelings laid bare, so fresh like a green eyed dove,
I'm in love with the small things that fills me with wonder
and my eyes twinkle, enjoying the rolling rain thunder.

Days of Darkness

Tuesday was the fateful day when I finally got operated. I wasn't apprehensive, as I have seen many operations and surgeries before but there was an element of surprise as I wasn't aware about the procedure.

After waiting for almost 1.5 hour I was taken to the OT and put under the gaze of high beam yellow lights. I dunno for how long I was there but it seemed like an eternity to me.

When i came out, my vision was blurred and my Dad gave me my precious Rayban sunglasses to cover my eyes :P. Well in the time of need, my aviators were practically uselss.

It was pretty hazy that day, lot of pain and headache with continuous watering. On top of it, a dark room, with no Tv, no books and no Laptop..argghh!!!

For someone like me who believes in multitasking and doing 100 things a day, sitting idle was a curse. So i slept, slept and slept for hours. (it gave me a backache for sure).

Next day was almost similar except that I was visited by a few relatives. Well I won't be ungrateful and say that why the hell they came and bitched about their daughter-in laws when the main purpose of the visit was to inquire about my well being. So 3 hours of constant bickering gave me nothing but a severe headache and  jaw ache (from constant smiling) and neck ache ( from constant nodding).

I thought I will go crazy. Two days of doing nothing was bad enough, so I went totally bezserk and saw two Pierce Brosnan movies back to back that resulted in a headache again. (btw I saw Laws of Attraction and The Thomas Crown Affair).

I spent the third day wallowing in self pity coz of some bad dream. I looked like a miniature version of Sabrina from Hell. I cudn't stop crying and as a result i had a tiff with my brother which resulted in more crying. I was irritable as hell and just felt like killing someone.

So today was the fourth day. I had got up with swollen eyes and a bad headache. I didn't talk to anyone since morning and was as irritable as I was yesterday. I finally got my laptop back and came online.
11 more days to go before my so called house arrest would be over. When would I be able to wash my face and look like Sabrina from Heaven.When would I be able to go out in the Sun and work again. When will I be happy again..till then its me and my dark room (I have been asked not to watch TV by my mom, I didnt know she had a strict bone in her body)

Just to add, I hate my cell phone too. My doc said that I can resume watching Tv and other activities within limits. (he forgot to define those limits :P). I do realise what a bad patient I have been.

Music to my ears!

I was cleaning my room yesterday (my mom was shell shocked :P) and  found my guitar lying on the top of my almira.

I tried to play wat i learnt around an yr back but couldn't. I just remembered some chords and 1-2 songs but nothing substantial. I blame my lack of practise for that.

When i bought the guitar, the only song i was interested in learning was Mora Saiyaan from Fuzon. After a few classes, Sahib agreed to teach me (coz of my persistent bickering). It was tough, but amazing.

I remember when I was in college, I used to lay awake for hours at night and listened to this song over n over again. There are songs like these that hook you up and you go crazy listening to them.

Another such song was Saiyaan by Kailash Kher. A sheer coincidence was that whenever it rained they used to play this song on the radio.

Radio had its own charm during my college days. As we didn't have access to net and i hardly watched tv, the only source of entertainment was Radio.

104.8Fm was particularly my fav for its show "Between the Sheets". I liked the station coz of its no-nonsense approach. The show was all about picking up a sensitive/personal topic and discussing it. I never called but loved hearing so many people shared different views.

Sunday morning @11am there was a show on 104.8 that used to play only old hindi songs. I am a sucker for old hindi bollywood songs.

"Wicked Hour" @1am on 102.6 Fm is again one of my favourites. They play everything from Classic Rock to Alternative to Pop to Country. And they still take messages from the listeners, though sms'es have replaced letters.

There are days when you feel nostalgic about those good'ol days when life was so simple and laid back. When you could do all those small, silly things.

Pheww!! The moral of the story is "Don't clean your room or you will risk your memory coming back" :P

Out of Sync

It’s been awhile since I have written a blog post. There could be umpteen reasons for this like I am not unemployed anymore or maybe I didn’t feel like.


Last month just passed too quickly. There was the ORM (Operational Review Meet), then Pehal, Meetings for the new project and planning for Anshul’s Farewell Party.

Well the party was nothing if not fun. From the Hawain theme to home cooked meals to cross over dressing to shakira dancing to unlimited booze supply, it was exhilarating.

I have work to fill my days, friends to add joy to my life and a wonderful family but still I feel something vital is missing. I have done a lot of introspection and possibly figured out the problem but I really don’t want to admit it.

Is it possible that someone can become anti-social? Like I do go out once in a while (once a month) and rest of the time I keep dodging my friends. I have stopped going to most of the family functions, I started avoiding random coffee sessions and almost stopped chatting online.

Is it that I have stopped caring for my friends? I switch off my cell phone or leave it ringing. I almost never go out and I have thousands of readymade excuses. My friends have started complaining and I don’t blame them but I just feel like being alone.

I just hope it’s a phase and gets over soon.

Amen!

Last Few Days

It was my parent’s 25th wedding anniversary on 14th February. A day to celebrate love and togetherness. It was a lovely affair with just close family and friends. As I happened to be the host of the party, I spent almost 20 days preparing for it. Though the process was fun, it also stressed me out. But eventually the outcome was fabulous. Almost everyone praised me and loved the party :). Who doesn’t like praises, huh?

Following the party, I was hit by a bout of cold, cough and fever. Mainly due to the stress, sleepless nights, and tension (I didn’t visit Pehal for almost 2 weeks). A trip was also being planned by AIDers to Shivpuri. I didn’t want to go as none of my friends from Pehal were going :(

There was a mounting pressure on me to be a part of the trip as I was also one of the so-called “Driver”. I had never been to a trip with friends and I was very sure my parents won’t even listen to me, let alone sending me to the trip.

Dad said yes without any hassles. I thought I was dreaming. It’s always been like this! It takes me ages to prepare myself with all those lines I could say to emotionally blackmail them and then they just say “yeah, ok”. I got the permission and then, of course, the excitement to go almost fizzled out.

I pestered everyone from Vipra to Andy to Debo to Zulaikha to accompany me for the trip. But everyone had some problems or the other. Finally, 2 days of nonstop shopping with Andy provided some relief to my otherwise mundane life.

The day had finally come. Here I was going on a trip with 10 other people (11 if we count Nandu too). I didn’t know 8 of them and I was prepared for a boring trip.

I came back on Sunday and was – electrified! Yes, it was the best trip I had in ages. Like a rollercoaster ride, 2 days of nonstop fun. I made friends with all of them within 10 minutes. From the police encounter to rafting, camping and singing(screwdrivers and fireshots :P), the trip was anything but dull. Silly of me to even think of it to be boring :)

Who doesn’t like Holi? I don’t. I hate wasting gallons of water playing holi. So usually I stay in my room and don’t go out no matter what my cousins call me (Coward). But somehow they always catch hold of me (Irony of my life). This year it was worse than ever. Purple patches all over my face followed by 3 glasses of thandai mixed with Bhang. Life is all about colors (heard someone saying that).

Now I am back to some serious job (Pehal, of course). Last few days have been really freaky. I had the best time of my life with family and friends.

Thank you God.

Ode to my friends!

Dear V- Don't be sad, Tomorrow will be wonderful, have trust!
Dear Debo- You have me always, life is beautiful and there is so much more to come :)
Dear Andy- Thanks for all the wonderful time we had in past few days, loved shoppin wid ya!
Dear Laila- You gotta be strong and brave and i know you are!
Dear PSD- Thanks for the super excited weekend, i badly needed it!

The " Sorry" business of Hospitals

Spending the last few days in a hospital has made me allergic to it. Not because of the peculiar smell or the sight of sick people, but because of the transformation of private hospitals into money minting machines. The govt ones have a different set of problems. Their standard of treatment has seen a downward spiral.
I am writing this on basis of my experience with both. I have worked with a government hospital earlier while my brother was recently admitted to a private one.

A single room would cost Rs 4500 + taxes per day, sounds like a hotel room, doesn’t it? They vouch for providing facilities such as a television, a spacious room with an extra couch and a luxurious bathroom with shower, tasty food and house cleaning 4 times a day. Apart from food and housecleaning, a person who is sick and probably in too much pain wouldn’t really care for a TV, a spacious room or a personal bath.

My dad wanted the best treatment for my brother and he didn't bother shelling out thousands of bucks for the same. But what about people who earn Rs 20,000 per month or even less, those who can’t afford a double room (Rs 2800 + taxes per day with no TV and a shared bathroom) , let alone a single room.

 Ironically there is a maternity hospital in Delhi whose rooms are named as following: Maharaja Suite, Royal room, Economy room priced Rs 6000, Rs 4500 and Rs 3500 respectively.

Yes I understand, government hospitals are ‘the’ option and the last resort for those who aren't as fortunate as we are. But the post op care and hygiene measures are not up to the mark. Most of the times, there is no room for new patients to be admitted.

Having worked in a dental hospital during college days, I know how desperate the situation becomes. It was mandatory for the patients to undergo a general oral check up, along with X-rays, even if it was an emergency case. Then after almost 30-40 minutes they were given a card with all the clinical symptoms and treatment plan written. He then used to proceed to the concerned clinic for getting the treatment done, where he would have to wait for hours and hours.

Few days back I joined a hospital and was working under the guidance of a dentist. He always insisted that we suggest a lengthy treatment plan to a rich patient and a single seating treatment plan to a poor one. After a week I left the clinic because in the end I realised I am not cut out to be in this business.

I feel bad and sorry that doctors who run these big private hospitals forget the oath they take and become so money minded. Instead of caring about patient's health they focus more on their bank balance.

A story from my childhood!!!

When I was a kid my mom used to tell me this story of an emperor.

He was a big snob and cared just about his clothes and nothing else. Once, two craftsmen arrived in his court. They claimed they could weave a cloth that would be extraordinary. It would be invisible to anyone who was “unwise and stupid”. The Emperor thought it was a great chance to spot unwise and reckless people in his court.

The King ordered the cloth to be made at once. After a few days, the King got restless and went with his ministers to see the garment. As he reached the workshop, the craftsmen showed him a hanger stating that the cloth is ready and the King can go ahead and try.


The King, on the other hand, was thoroughly puzzled. He could not spot the garment and thought “I can’t see anything!! Am I a fool and not fit to be an Emperor?” To save himself from the embarrassment he praised the cloth and went ga-ga over its beauty.


His entourage were as surprised as the King but exclaimed “Ahh its beautiful!!!”. As the news spread about the magnificent cloth, the King was advised to wear the same in the next court session.


The craftsmen on the night before were given bags of gold and they left after dressing the king in the new garment. The King went to the court without clothes on and people applauded.


Suddenly, a child from the crowd said “But he isn’t wearing anything”. Everyone began to whisper that a child had the courage to say what they couldn’t. They all started shouting then and made fun of the king. The King who was appalled by his own foolishness went on with the rest of the session without the clothes on.

I used to laugh at the Emperor as a kid but failed to see a deeper meaning. It will never serve a purpose if we try to fit in other people's shoes. Always choose to stand against what is wrong. Of course it is easier said than done. But we build our own fears, and speaking the truth is one of them.

I insist we face facts, speak truth and be aware. It is better to have no views than blindly following someone else's vision.

Also, never go out wearing nothing coz you won’t be able to stop the wagging tongues: P

Funny story this !!

“Hey ! I missed you”. Oh fuck ! not again, I hadn’t even finished buttoning up my shirt.


"Stop right there. I’ll give you the sex later, I promise, but first let’s talk about me. Yes you are allowed to call me a self obsessed pig. Infact I want you to. The truth is I don’t want to charm you with fancy words coz frankly I don’t know any. Rather I’ll give you a story so simple, so neat and yet you’ll feel drunk when I’m finished. It always hits you hard when it’s neat, doesn’t it."

....I hadn’t even finished buttoning up my shirt. The night had been a blur to me. Hell ! I didn’t even know if it was night or day. How long was I out ? Was I drugged? Where was I anyways? Vegas or was I still in Paris. Well neither. It had to be someone’s home, the drapes were way too nice, the silk felt soft on my skin. And I could afford neither of those. And yet there was this girl lying on the bed, her head resting comfortably on the pillow, a soft satisfied smile on her face. I had smiled back politely and wondered if I was the reason . And yet no recollection. I didn’t even remember her name. I am usually not this bad, I tell you I’m being framed here.

Pondering, I stood up to freshen myself . Thud! And then everything blacked out.

Everyone has to pay their bills right? So how am I any different. Infact I do way better than most of them .But he’ll be home by now waiting for my call. I had to hurry. I looked around the bar, and sure, there he was. He fit the bill. But he looked too sweet and too drunk to be screwed over like that. Hell ! it would be fun.

Why isn’t she picking up. We left the bar at the same time. He worried about her. It had only been four dates and yet...

They got out of the cab. What the fuck ! The guy is a pig, she thought. He was sweaty for some odd reason. His heartbeat was slow. The cab driver helped her take him to the apartment. Damn ! Why couldn’t she leave him out on the curb. Maybe he’ll come around she thought. He never did for the next three hours.

Was he still conscious? Common don’t you die on me, she thought. She changed his clothing, rubbed his feet, gave him the comfort of her bed, the same bed she rarely slept alone on. She even prayed. Slowly his breathing returned to normal. Thank God. Now she could lie down. Her day had been very tiring.

She could hear him moving. It was the wee hours of the morning. He was up. He looked at her and she smiled, relieved and he smiled back, confused. He was okay after all. Meanwhile her cellphone rang for the nth time since night. She answered. “Hey I missed you”, she said.

Oh fuck ! not again, I hadn’t even finished buttoning up my shirt. Pondering, I stood up to freshen myself . Thud! I was still very drunk I realized and crashed into the bedside lamp. Everything blacked out.

"Sorry no sex in this one. I lied. What can you do. I had to entice you in believing that there was some, else why wud you still be reading. Call me a pig. Infact I want you to. "

By

Himanshu Saxena!! ( if you want to call him a pig..please do..:P)